I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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