fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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