yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
