Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
