Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
