im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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