oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We had sex on a dog bed..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
