Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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