i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
someone owes me an orgasm
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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