You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize