Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
