i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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