Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
