Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
