He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
