i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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