my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
