just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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