awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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