I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
