I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
