How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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