Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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