Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
