I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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