Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize