she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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