Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
