I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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