Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize