did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
