If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he told me I talked like a deaf person
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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