I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
