I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
