Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am one with the molecules
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
