she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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