so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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