Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
