Got a toothbrush?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
