how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
