He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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