you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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