Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
