My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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