please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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