Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
