By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
