you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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