my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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