i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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