We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
