tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
