I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
