drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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