dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Terrible idea I love it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
