New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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