Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize