This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
