there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
