Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
