I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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