if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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