I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
