i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
