I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
