If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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